Wednesday the middle to nowhere

The middle of week is usually a time to take a breath and gas yourself up to finish the week with a flourish. Only that's not how it works for me. Take today for example me and one of my nieces who is 2 wake up and stare at each other. I ask her if she will carry me to the bath room since the throbbing in my knees tells me that's gonna take a minute and put me in a world of hurt. She says nothing just giggles so I lay there and wonder how long it takes a bladder to burst. Then I shake my head at that thought cuz seriously I'm too cute to have to use a catheter 24/7. I just have to walk thru the pain. So I slowly swing my legs to the end of the bed debating if I want to sit up or not. I say loudly enough for my niece to hear, " Titi is going potty do you need to pee too? " More giggling then some some chinese-german-french sounding gibberish explodes from her mouth which only the word pee pee was clear. So I say, " OK go to the potty I'll meet you there. " I feel her bounce the bed and I brace myself since every bounce jars my body to my very soul. I figure might as well sit up since falling on the floor and doing the snake to the bathroom is too exhausting to even think about let alone actually doing. Fast forward to lunch time. I sat on the floor in the kitchen to make my niece a sandwich. Why you ask, because standing took to much effort. Then I crawled to the living and my niece tried to climb on my back the whole way I guess she thought we was playing horsey. Well her horsey died in the middle of the living room. Fast forward to 2hrs later its time to pick up my daughter then go to physical therapy. So I sit and meditate to try and wipe the pain from my face, the frustration that nothing got accomplished today and put on the 'well put together life is peachy' face the world expects and walk gingerly to my car and drive stiffly away.  If you asked me how I enjoy not working since I get to do what ever because my time is my own I'd kick you but I probably wouldn't have the energy. I ended my day back in bed in tears because my daughter hugged me too hard and everything hurts and I just want a break.  Yeah Wednesday is just the middle of the week for you for me its just another day one.

Tuesdays are Mondays in disguise

Ugh dragging yourself out of bed you stand there for a second and shuffle to your living room see the havoc that living with children has caused and sigh turn around plop on the bed and hide under the pillow. "Seriously why today?", you mutter to yourself. "Just once..." you think as a flash of lightning arcs through your back and you lay still (since of course playing possum will make the pain leave you alone)(yeah right).  You shake your head at your empty wish. Struggle to sit up again take a pain pill and then gingerly lean back until the pill takes hold enough for you to move through the pain that is spreading like lava through your limbs. Finally relief mild though it is you stand up and go through the list in your head....hmm nope not today, maybe later, definitely not today, sure why not. The 'sure why not' seems the least strenuous activity and it will move your mindset from "doing anything today is absurd" to "if I manage this I'm king of the world." So you managed to escape your fluffy prison with minimal damage and you scurry off to grab your broom and vacuum. "Clean the floors," you whisper in your head "just clean the floors." While the idea that sweeping and vacuuming is overwhelming is a ludicrous idea to some people. In my reality, the back and forth movement pulls on various muscles that resent being used. So you trudge along repeating your mantra "just clean the floor". Dripped in sweat and breathing hard you tell yourself tomorrow I'll mop and plop on your couch. You look at your phone its only 2:00 pm maybe just maybe you can get in a load of dishes before exhaustion knocks you on your tush for the day. Fingers crossed you haul yourself up to walk to the kitchen.

Manic Monday in a Fibro Mama's life

What's another day in the great scheme of things? A lot. I wake each morning wondering if today I will be chained to my bed in pain. I worry that the little things that are big in my life will overwhelm me and I'll crack under the pressure of life.  Can I manage to do a load of laundry, wash, dry and fold? Will I be able to scrub down the tub and the toilet before my arms ache too much to lift? Will I eat today because the effort to make food is more than I can handle? Those are only a few of the thoughts that plague my mind. Then I have to readjust the way I'm thinking and remind myself that just one obstacle overcame is a point in my column. I may not do everything the world deems a good mom should do, but I choose to do the most I can because I'm the best me I can be.