Relationships Part 2

Relationships are vital to the human experience. From childhood, we strive to find commonality amongst our peers. 

To that end, we even go so far as to change our behavior. From tamping down on natural impulses, to claiming to like tv shows you weren't even allowed to watch. The list was endless.

We just wanted to be liked!

That hasn't changed as adults. We just changed how we try to fit in. Now it's flossing ourselves on the net for likes and mentions. Going viral with someone is friendship goals. 

For someone literally stuck at home, my interactions with most of my friends are dependent on a social media app.

With the advent of social media, we have all gained friends in areas of the world we might never have connected with if not for sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Instagram.

Online, I found people to commiserate with about Fibromyalgia, people to discuss real-life events who understood where I was coming from because they shared the same passion. I found people to share my life in a way that is only seemed possible when living with someone.  

I found that my IRL friends were good for real hugs and facial expressions to go with their concern, which I'm not discounting in the least. I re-learned communication because I had to discuss real painful things; something I truly dislike doing because stress and depression worsen fibro symptoms. Healthy friendships are work too. When you can see the pain your words cause, it sometimes halts your truth from coming out, even if the people your speaking to need to know whatever your truth is at that moment. So it's been a stop and go kind of growth, but at least I'm still working at it.

Companionship can occur though without ever meeting in person. I used to think people who made friends online were strange and obviously had no real-life people skills (I blame tv and youth lol). The thing was, the more time I spent on the net, the more I realized that just like speaking nuance matters. 

You can type something thinking it's hilarious and then find yourself backpedaling. You can confidently post a pic and get flamed by your friends just like IRL, so I learned to adapt.

Now some of my best friends are people I've never met but would go to war for. I've shared parts of my self with them that the safety of distance provides and yet wished they were near for the hug their words provided or for the laughter that brought tears. Everyday I check in with them even five minutes carries me when real life is extra hard or extra awesome I want to share it with them. It's a great thing to look forward to speaking to people.

Relationships are necessary no matter the type or the shape they take... enjoy them.

I'm still here still surviving

It's been 2 yrs since I've written anything of substance.

 Not due to pain or I hate God moment. I just had no focus. 

I was in a deep depression. 

I saw no hope for me and my family for so long it ate my joy in all I did. 

If I could have found the words I would have told you about my determination to go back to school after almost 6yrs. 

I needed to try one more time to get the credentials to help people in the real world. 

I would have told you about the great housing opportunity I had a home with no strings attached to family or friends. 

Also a chance for love I thought finally came through my door. 

You would have witnessed the emotional and physical rollercoaster I was on because I was pulled in so many directions without the support I imagined I was due.

I was trying to be supermom/ godmother, the best girlfriend and an awesome supportive friend. Unfortunately in my eyes I was failing in every aspect. 

My home depended on good grades which meant studying. 

Can't study if you can't focus. 

I wasn't making enough at my job to pay my portion of the rent but I couldn't find another fibro perfect job.

 I just knew I was on a path and happily ever after wasn't far.

It wasn't meant to be and we ended up homeless, I ended up jobless and brokenhearted.

Enter 2019 a yr of continual change. 

3 residences in a year.

 Still determined to never stop fighting for wholeness in all aspects of life. 

That meant sticking to my cut off game. 

I cut off exs, family and friends...everyone that wasn't good for my soul had to go.

6wks left in the yr and the growth I've experienced is phenomenal considering I felt so stagnant in my actions.

 I had to take my emotional well being into account and fight for it and I stand a conqueror. 

I know your like Lovelyyg why are you telling me all this?

Everything I went thru.. words spoken to me  or things I felt should have set me on my ass in such a deep depression  or suicide would have been understandable from a outsiders view. 

I kept striving to survive

I couldn't give up not for me or my babies. 

I have no idea of what this blog will turn into now, but I had to let you know Friend that even when 'give up' is all you hear from outside sources your encouraging  inner voice can give you a new lease on life and I want you to keep me company on this path life...