I'm still here still surviving

It's been 2 yrs since I've written anything of substance.

 Not due to pain or I hate God moment. I just had no focus. 

I was in a deep depression. 

I saw no hope for me and my family for so long it ate my joy in all I did. 

If I could have found the words I would have told you about my determination to go back to school after almost 6yrs. 

I needed to try one more time to get the credentials to help people in the real world. 

I would have told you about the great housing opportunity I had a home with no strings attached to family or friends. 

Also a chance for love I thought finally came through my door. 

You would have witnessed the emotional and physical rollercoaster I was on because I was pulled in so many directions without the support I imagined I was due.

I was trying to be supermom/ godmother, the best girlfriend and an awesome supportive friend. Unfortunately in my eyes I was failing in every aspect. 

My home depended on good grades which meant studying. 

Can't study if you can't focus. 

I wasn't making enough at my job to pay my portion of the rent but I couldn't find another fibro perfect job.

 I just knew I was on a path and happily ever after wasn't far.

It wasn't meant to be and we ended up homeless, I ended up jobless and brokenhearted.

Enter 2019 a yr of continual change. 

3 residences in a year.

 Still determined to never stop fighting for wholeness in all aspects of life. 

That meant sticking to my cut off game. 

I cut off exs, family and friends...everyone that wasn't good for my soul had to go.

6wks left in the yr and the growth I've experienced is phenomenal considering I felt so stagnant in my actions.

 I had to take my emotional well being into account and fight for it and I stand a conqueror. 

I know your like Lovelyyg why are you telling me all this?

Everything I went thru.. words spoken to me  or things I felt should have set me on my ass in such a deep depression  or suicide would have been understandable from a outsiders view. 

I kept striving to survive

I couldn't give up not for me or my babies. 

I have no idea of what this blog will turn into now, but I had to let you know Friend that even when 'give up' is all you hear from outside sources your encouraging  inner voice can give you a new lease on life and I want you to keep me company on this path life...