Changes

The changes that  are usually unexpected are the ones where growth occurs. More energy means more day planning. Not knowing how or where to apply that energy can have catorstrophic consequences to you or those helping you.

For me it's not doing to much so I'm not dependent on my kids for everything. You know they didn't sign up to be nurses they want to have experienced and gave the space to dream. 

Not being able to work robbed me of dreaming for them and the freedom they might have been relieved to feel to dream bigger. 

The expectations I felt forced to place on my kids out of necessity to others and their unfortunate need to lean on those other as I wasn't reliable to be a constant support. It hurt and still hurts. Simple things I couldn't do for mine that others did and had the nerve to scoff over are at me for ages.

Now I dare to stand alone and be that pillar my babies need. Boy I tell you it's scary and lonesome sometimes, but the freedom of not being bound and able to just be us together is a healing I never believed I'd experience. Deep down I just wanted a home and to provide for my babies, help my fellow man and be loved as I loved in return. 

I now truly feel that's possible that my foundation will finally stand and my babies will finally get the foothold they deserve in life. 

I may have been knocked about by changes in life before but I have learned to ride the wave instead of being yanked under and I savor it. God keeps bringing ya girl thru when it seems impossible.