Brahhhhhh

So here i am trying to do this work from home life right. Build a empire for my babies so they dont have to depend on the whims of others to survive mostyly cuz thats what we have dont their whole lives. The issue is I've been experiencing attack after attack. 

My page was reported constantly for two years. I know it was a friend on my page becuase my page was still private. So I made my page public. 

I figured someone didn't want whatever I was posting to get out. My business page has way less followers then my main account so it was internal and i don't play that so I said fuck privacy like it or not. 

I mean I occasionally make something private, but for the most part I just dont care. I used to get stomach aches from the fear of backlash from people I knew about things I posted.

 I actually had a former pastor try to chastise one of their church memeber for engaging in a open discussion about sex. The person had a kid and a whole ass husband, but was getting talked to in my comments like a 5 yr old. 

The level of Pharisee ( stickler for rules but no heart in the work) I was dealing with was burdenful.   The burden to be picture and word perfect in a imperfect world was bull shit, but as a Christian I thought I was supposed to be monitered and judged cuz that has us being accountable to each other. I mean I got accused of having a demon for being a normal kid who talked to boys and wanted to wear clothes that didnt make me look 40 at 15, but they must have seen something I didn't right? 

So unlearning that i had to answer to everyone about my life to move the way I needed to have any kind of social media presence that is as authentic as I truly want to be was hard.

 Still is sometimes. 

 Now things werent just emotionally hard I was stepping into DIVINATION. Church goer #1 no no.

 AHHHHH im a witch!!!

 NOT! 

 Although my own mother has told me that becuase I read tarot I'm a witch. Literally no conversation(to this day) and we are going on 5 years about what my actual spiritual practices are and what I believe or why I believe it.

 Thats beside the point though.

 I started learning about stones ( they are worn on Aarons garments in the bible), herbs (they used cannabis oil to prepare to go into the holy of holy's), soulmates, the ancestors and what it means to honor them, the history of tarot, zodiacs, numerology.

 Funnily I kept coming back to the fact I have always been drawn to or unknowingly was already walking this path even as I grew up in church. My insistance to know more than just what the bible presented prepared me to always be learning and to acknowledge I just dont know enough. 

 Ig I could I would love to tell some of the church people about the runes Boaz went to the front gate and asked the elders to toss ( casting of lots) to confirm his decision to marry Ruth, or that the table in the tabernacle had food for Abraham, Issac and Jacob is literally an ancestors altar that they maintained daily,the stones in the vestments ( high priest special robes) were for clarity, protection, opening the the chakras , and other things. 

They had prophets who saw visions and heard voices we would label them as schizophrenic now adays, but hey im the witch right so why is your mom walking around screaming at spirits to leave her babies alone??? 

 So I got this knowledge right and im feeling the need to share it. So I started small didnt want to push my radical ideas on anyone. Now I feeel like a jehovahs witness.. "Hey so you want to unpack that childhood trauma in some healthy ways?? Lets go get you a deep tissue massage, drink some tea and start at the beggining and then lets go even further in the past to see how its not just you its generations of pain that has complied to become you and the sum of your experiences." and im getting "doors" slammed in my face. 

Occasionally someone wants to know more and i have fun sharing what ive learned. My issue is becuase im exerting so much energy. Your girl has been burning thru spoons like I have a million. 

Im exhausted more often than not just sitting here with my phones and laptop and tablet taping out messages to toss in the void. Why am I telling yall this today? Cuz Im tired thats all. Blogger( 3 pages), FB ( 3pages) Instagram ( 2 pages) so much typing and I dont even have a word count and I need to utlize the podcast more often.

 Im just overwhelmed and still learning how to work smarter not harder. Flares abound more when I don't take care of my mental health too.