Relationships are hard to maneuver. Whether it's friendship, family, or people your in an intimate circumstances with. Knowing the best way to communicate with them can help You grow in emotional intelligence as well as a person.
With fibro more often than not I distance myself from irl closeness. I hate being a burden. Feeling sick most of the time and knowing help is actually needed can be discouraging. I hate feeling like I'm a burden. I hate knowing that sometimes I am.
Funny thing though in the last year I got yelled at by new people in my life. People who challenged me to love me more enough to walk away from unhealthy family dynamics, personal relationships that were one-sided and empty. I know my family tried in their way to help. They just didn't know how to give it in the manner I needed it.
Now knowing I really needed help and not knowing how to give it to me was one issue. The other big one was I saw things differently. I knew what love with no strings was supposed to be. I understood the nuances of history in every interaction even if they didn't get why their thinking was hurtful and their actions limited by lack of knowledge.. I finally understood that wasn't how I wanted my life to be, continually affected by the hurt I felt or my children either. So I made a verbal list ( I told my family the things that bothered me that needed to stop); hurtful actually damaging teasing, weight jokes, boyfriend jokes, expectations of females vs males and children vs adults...my feelings were fix it or stay away... I may not be perfect and I'm still stumbling in finding healthy and less to non damaging ways of raising my kids. Imma say this now and with realness imma keep fucking it up but dammnit my girls deserve me doing my damn best to love nurture and help them grow.
It sucks when you come from a culture that discourages emotional realness,
but has so many barriers on how it's supposed to happen and be acknowledged because emotional realness "is necessary".
Don't get me started on Racism and emotional truth that's another blog topic in itself.
Like I said relationships are hard but striving to love someone where they are as they are is a beautiful gift.
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