Thursday at 3am is still Wednesday

I know no-one would think I fear writing but I do. When I write I put my essence into the words you could say only it's more than that; I'm giving you, the reader, a window into my pain and joy because I want you to understand and relate because you could have been me or you are just like me hurt, confused and lost looking for answers and trying to deal with living with Why. It's funny my invisible friend you will journey with me as I take it day by day and that scares me. More than inventing a world for strangers a book to toss to the wolves of the world; I'm being real and vulnerable(more on that later).
So why am I writing right at this moment? God told me to. Why you ask because you need to read this.
No, I'm not going to preach at you. I hate it when people try to shove God down your throat. I'm not perfect, I whine about being in pain, I hate taking my meds, I spend a lot of time in bed not sleeping(i love to sleep but I can't get restful sleep), I'm far from being a great mom and yet He still is here with me and since I'm going to stop ignoring Him you get to hear Him too.
This journey is going to be an up and down thing. I won't write all the time and I won't always talk about God but He is a really big part of my life now and it makes a difference.
So I'm in pain my legs feel like I've been running for hours and my shoulders just ache I can't describe it but, it's there. I'm listening to my kid's snore and I'm jealous that they can sleep. Between insomnia and pain, my actual sleep episodes are sporadic no night is like the next so be prepared to see me at any time of the day.
I feared this...pouring out, but it will do us all some good I believe. I have so much to say it's like a wave ready to crash on me but God said, "I got this, just keep watching"😘